Feeling guilt is a completely normal emotional experience that everybody feels when they realize they have compromised their own standards or universal moral standards. When we think guilt, we think of a criminal being guilty, so what happens when we feel guilty, over something that feels huge, but may not actually need a guilty feeling at all? Guilt falls into the same category as remorse and shame.
What Is Guilt?
Guilt is an “affective state,” or an emotional state, where we feel conflicted with our thoughts, feelings, or actions. It isn’t always because we did something, it sometimes happens when we simply forgot to do something, or we feel we should have done something different. Oftentimes, we have repressed feelings of guilt; It’s one of the hardest emotions to deal with and forgive ourselves for. Guilt sometimes begins in childhood; Some people feel like they weren’t a good enough child for their parents, or they feel guilt for the way they treated their parents when they were younger.
Guilt is basically a battle between what you feel or know you should have done versus what you actually did. For example, if you know you should have done something extra at work, or you should have stayed later to help the person relieving you, but you don’t, you may feel guilty. It’s completely normal to feel this way; In both instances, you may have felt like you shouldn’t have left before doing the extra work. In the second instance, you didn’t exactly need to stay, but you still feel guilty. Why?
How Guilt Works
Considering guilt is an emotion, there is no true explanation of guilt. We as humans sometimes feel that we’ve caused harm to others, even though in some cases, we haven’t. These thoughts that we’ve caused harm to somebody else, in theory, cause the guilt emotion to happen. This guilty feeling can stem from the thought that you are the cause of somebody’s misfortune, whether or not that’s actually the case.
Causes Of Guilt
There are five main causes of a feeling of guilt. They are:
1. Guilt For Something You Did.
This is the most obvious reason we feel guilty; We did something we really shouldn’t have done, like stolen something or cheated on our significant other. This causes either physical or psychological pain to another person, and there’s zero doubt that you did, in fact, do the action. We also feel this type of guilt when we do something we swore to ourselves we wouldn’t do again, like drinking alcohol or restarting illegal substances.
2. Guilt For Something You Want To Do.
This type of guilt is a little harder to recognize, as you didn’t actually do the thing that you’re feeling guilty for; You’ve simply thought it. However, this type of guilt is extremely tough to handle, as you’re going against your moral values. An example of this kind of guilt is fantasizing about cheating on your significant other.
3. Guilt For Something You Think You Did.
This type of guilt is even trickier, as you experience guilt over something that you might have done. For example, we’ve almost all wished ill-fate on somebody; How many times has it came true? For some people, it does, and this “magical” belief that you jinxed them can give you immense amounts of guilt. Our memory of past events can sometimes be foggy, and your memory of a past event may be untrue, but you can still feel guilt from it.
4. Guilt That You Didn’t Do Enough.
This type of guilt is often seen in those that have family, friends, or loved ones suffer a tragic loss. Those that feel the guilt have offered days and weeks of free time, but soon realize they can’t continue to do so. This may go hand in hand with feelings of burnout as well. It can be emotionally draining, and it’s completely okay to need to take a step back, but it’s also normal to feel guilt for needing to do so.
5. Guilt That You’re Doing Better Than Somebody Else.
First-generation college students sometimes feel this kind of guilt, as they are making a better life for themselves than their parents did. Often, these students often feel conflicted between wanting to be better and not wanting to protect their family members’ feelings. This type of guilt is sometimes called survivor guilt, and can happen when you lose friends, family, or neighbors in something, like a natural disaster, and you remain alive. This type of guilt is seen in many military combat veterans.
What Can I Do?
Feeling guilt can be extremely stressful, and all around unpleasant. There are many ways to stop the feelings of guilt; The easiest method is acknowledging the reason behind the guilt, and coming to terms with it yourself. Apologizing for the action or thought, without trying to justify it, can do huge things for not only you, but the person it affected as well. Find a way to make the situation right, and do it as soon as you can. Try to change your behavior, so you don’t have to feel guilty about making the same mistake twice. And finally, learn to accept and move on from it; It may be the hardest part, but we’re all human. We make mistakes.
Guilt can change our moods in an instant. Learning to handle your feelings of guilt can do a world of wonder for not only you, but those around you as well. After handling your guilty feelings, you may begin to look at life in a positive way, which in turn, makes those around you positive as well. Guilt is a normal human emotion, but with the proper steps, can be handled in a healthy way.