Shame is one of the most debilitating emotions that we can feel as humans. It has a sneaky way of embedding itself within our minds in a way that becomes second nature. We may not even realize how much shame is affecting our day to day lives.
What is shame?
Shame is defined as not feeling worthy or enough. Oftentimes, the terms shame and guilt are used interchangeably. This is not a correct assessment because the two are actually quite different. The main difference between the two is guilt has to do with others while shame has to do with yourself. Shame can unfortunately affect your relationships, your self-worth, your career success, and just about every area of your life.
Where does shame come from?
Shame can come from a variety of different sources. It can come from unresolved trauma, toxic relationships, or a lifelong pattern of negative self-talk. One of the most dangerous elements of shame is that the feeling itself encourages us to hide. It encourages us to conceal our shame at all times. This will only lead to it growing over time and causing further damage to your life. Another dangerous result of shame is turning to substances to help forget or numb the pain you are trying so desperately to hide. This can lead to addiction in many different forms.
How to deal with shame?
The first step to dealing with shame is recognizing how it has been affecting your life. If you are able to recognize the damaging nature of your shame you will be on the right track to start to heal from it. The best way to deal with shame is to work with a licensed professional that can help you dissect where these feelings may have come from. Through the process of working through these emotions in therapy, you will learn to sort through your feelings and understand what might trigger these feelings in the future.
Even if you are not always aware of it, shame usually has a traced origin. It may not be one single event that you experienced as a child, but overall getting to the bottom of where your shame comes from is possible. Shame can be a double edge sword because the feeling itself will tell you that you do not need help, that you don’t deserve help, or even worse – that you deserve to feel this way. All of these thoughts are not valid or true by any means. It’s actually quite the opposite. You deserve to live a full like where you recognize the unique gifts you have to offer the world.
While shame is certainly a negative element of our psychology, it can often shape us into the human we were meant to be. It can be difficult to view it this way though. It’s hard to view something as an element that helped you grow, rather than viewing it as an element that hindered your growth. Healing from your shame allows you to become stronger in your sense of self and most importantly helps you recognize how miraculous and magnificent you are simply by being a human being.
References:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/where-science-meets-the-steps/201501/5-ways-silence-shame