Sit and think for a moment on the times when you were proud of yourself or felt the best about yourself. What do these moments have in common? What are some differences between these moments? Now, in those moments, were your positive feelings about yourself linked to:
A.) A personal accomplishment.
B.) A professional goal; or
C.) Approval from a friend.
If you answered A or B, you likely base your self-worth on internal or personal factors. If you answered C, you may base your self-worth on external factors.
Self-worth is something that everyone is entitled to regardless of age, gender, or race. However, self-worth is something that often requires effort. Multiwasekwa (2019) believes that in order to achieve complete self-love, one must first have full “self-awareness, self-worth, self-esteem and self-care”. When one aspect of the four is lacking, then the ability to love oneself is impossible as well. Self-worth is based on your beliefs about yourself, and is impacted by personal experiences, and external sources such as the opinions of other people. According to Crocker and associates there are seven “contingencies of self-worth”. They are “others’ approval or regard, physical appearance, competencies, love from family, outdoing others in competition, virtue, and faith” (Crocker, 2002, p. 144).
When your self-worth is created through external factors, such as the approval of others, it is difficult to be self-sufficient. Reliance on the opinions of others leaves you and your self-worth vulnerable to the whims and moods of other people. If your self-worth is based on internal factors, then how you feel about yourself is based solely on you, your actions, and your choices. Relying on external factors for self-worth has been linked to an increase in depression, and increased feelings of worthlessness (Kernis et al., 1998). If you increase your intrinsic self-worth and limit the amount of your self-worth that relies on extrinsic factors, then you are setting yourself up for a life of success and purpose.
If you can’t figure it out on your own, there are professionals (like us) to help guide you. You are still strong and valuable if you ask for help. And as RuPaul says “If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?”.
References:
Crocker, J. (2002) Contingencies of self-worth: Implications for self-regulation and psychological vulnerability. Self and Identity, 1, 143-149.
DOI: 10.1080/15298860231731932
Kernis, M. H., Whisenhunt, C. R., Waschull, S. B., Greenier, K. D., Berry, A. J., Herlocker, C. E., & Anderson, C. A. (1998). Multiple facets of self-
esteem and their relations to depressive symptoms. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 24, 657–668.
https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167298246009
Mutiwasekwa, S.-L. (2019, November 12). Self-Love. Retrieved from
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-upside-things/201911/self-love
Self-Esteem. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/self-esteem
Sreenivasan, S. (2018, April 1). How Do You Evaluate Your Self-Worth? Retrieved from
