The concept of loneliness has been around for centuries. Songs have been written about it “this night’s a perfect shade of dark blue (dark blue) have you ever been alone in a crowded room when I’m here with you” (Jack’s Mannequin – Dark Blue), poems have been written about it:
I came up with one thing
And I don’t believe I’m wrong
That nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.
Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.
(Maya Angelou – Alone) and actors have depicted it on stage, in films, and on television. Many people have experienced the feeling of loneliness, but few have figured out how best to combat it. The Campaign to End Loneliness reports that “loneliness, living alone and poor social connections are as bad for your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day”. They have also compiled research that shows not only is “loneliness worse for you than obesity”, but that “lonely people are more likely to suffer from dementia, heart disease and depression”. (The Campaign to End Loneliness, 2019). So how can we help to prevent loneliness in ourselves?
Types of Loneliness
First, we must address what type of loneliness we are experiencing. Social loneliness can occur when a person has no close friend group or support group. Emotional loneliness is most prominent when you are having a bad day, and just want someone to listen to you and empathize with you. This type of loneliness can occur after a loss, a break-up or just growing apart from someone. Lastly, existential loneliness occurs most often with self-reflection and introspection. The concept “you come into the world alone, and you go out of the world alone” stems from the existential theory that humans are inherently alone. This can invoke anxiety and fear within some people but can act as a motivation for others.
How to Combat Loneliness
Emotional loneliness can lessen when you find a person with whom you develop a close relationship. However, this type of bond can take time, and sitting around thinking about how you have no friends is no way to make friends. Reach out to that classmate, text that coworker who likes the same shows as you, take that first step. Social loneliness is often combated by entering into a situation where everyone is new. It may be easier to join a group when all of the members are experiencing the same worries, and none have developed a close bond just yet. Existential loneliness is a difficult one. It can often evoke the classic existential fears of isolation, loneliness and meaninglessness. Acknowledging these fears and addressing them head on can help you spend more time in the present, and less time full of existential dread.
If you can’t figure it out on your own, there are professionals (like us) to help guide you. You are still strong and valuable if you ask for help.
References:
Brenner, MD, FAPA, G. H. (2019, June 28). What Drives Loneliness to Dangerous Levels? Retrieved from
Degges-White, Ph.D., S. (2019, July 12). The 3 Types of Loneliness and How to Combat Them. Retrieved from
Emily Carr Quotes. (n.d.). BrainyQuote.com. Retrieved February 25, 2020, from BrainyQuote.com Web site:
https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/emily_carr_198720
Hawkley L. C., Browne M. W., & Cacioppo J. T. (2005). How can I connect with thee? Let me count the ways. Psychol. Sci. 16, 798–804.
(doi:10.1111/j.1467-9280.2005.01617.x).
The Campaign to End Loneliness. (n.d.). The Facts on Loneliness. Retrieved from
https://www.campaigntoendloneliness.org/the-facts-on-loneliness/
