Do you find yourself relying on another person for your self-worth, being unable to think for yourself, or function independently?
If this is relatable for you, you’re probably in a codependent relationship. Codependent relationships are unhealthy, especially since they may involve a person intentionally or unintentionally taking advantage of someone else.
What is Codependency?
According to PositivePsychology, codependency refers to a relationship that involves heavy emotional reliance on someone else. Oftentimes, the codependent person spends so much time attending to the needs of the other person that they forget themselves. VeryWellMind added that this codependency can be on anyone, be it a significant other, a friend, or
someone in your family. As said by PsychCentral, when the codependent person spends all of their energy on catering to the other person’s needs, they may feel trapped or drained.
Signs of Codependency
- Lacking in self-esteem: According to GoodTherapy, a codependent person does not think highly of themselves and does not have a high sense of self-worth, leading them to rely on another person for validation.
- Not being able to say “No”: Codependent people don’t have “no” in their vocabulary. Not only do they wish to please their partners, but they also cannot grasp the thought of not pleasing them. They cannot bear to upset other people and may hide their feelings in the process.
- Poor boundaries: A boundary is a line that divides what belongs to you and what belongs to someone else. Such a line also applies to feelings, which is where codependents have problems. They are unable to grasp what feelings or issues are their responsibility and what aren’t, and
therefore may blame themselves for the emotions of others. - Denial: At times, human beings know that they need help or care in certain matters. They may feel that they need to attend to a particular need about themselves. However, codependents deny that they have any such needs or that they need to be taken care of, and instead focus all of their energy on others.
- The need for control: A huge reason codependents do what they do is that they are obsessed with being in control. This stops codependents from taking even minor risks to advance in their lives and from expressing their feelings. Consequently, codependents feel the need to control those around them as well, displaying bossy and, at times, manipulative behaviour.
Causes of Codependency:
- Emotional neglect: Growing up, some people may be shunned for showing emotions or may have their feelings ignored, reducing their self-esteem. This may cause them to think less of themselves in the future.
- Having to look after addicted parents: Sometimes, a parent may not be able to fulfil their role due to addiction or drinking, putting a burden on their child. In adulthood, a person’s codependent behaviour may stop them from developing a stable and healthy relationship in their life. A codependent person should seek treatment or try to reorganize their priorities to combat this issue.
If you think you may be in a codependent relationship, you might wish to see a therapist. A mental health professional can determine if your behaviors resemble codependency. They can also treat any co-occurring mental health issues. In therapy, you can explore the roots of your behavior and learn to balance your needs with those of others.