“A season of loneliness and isolation is when the caterpillar gets its wings. Remember that next time you feel alone.”
– Mandy Hale
Loneliness is one of the hardest things to overcome; We have a natural need to be connected with others, through both physical and social contact. Although we can be surrounded by people we love, we can still feel so… alone. Some research actually suggests that loneliness has serious threats to not only our mental well-being, but our physical health as well. Our need to connect with others starts right after birth; We need our parents’ love in order to grow.
Loneliness vs. Solitude
Loneliness is simply the feeling of being alone; It is a state of mind and is defined by feeling lonely more than once a week, and can make us feel unimportant and unwanted. It is both complex and unique to every single person on earth; What loneliness feels like to one person, may feel completely different to another.
Loneliness can be physically painful to some, and can be described in many different ways. Loneliness is sitting in a room full of people, but still feeling like you’re by yourself in the world. It’s feeling like you have nobody to turn to, and feeling like you lack the basic human companionship we prosper on.
Loneliness is tied to not only quantity, but quality, of our relationships in our lives. A lack of authentic relationships can contribute to loneliness. We can have a thousand friends, but if none of them actually care, we tend to feel extremely lonely. Some feel that if they don’t have a furry friend, such as a cat or dog, contributes to their loneliness at home, especially if they live alone.
Solitude, on the other hand, is time spent alone that we choose. Solitude sometimes can have a positive impact on us, as it gives us time to relax, reflect, and create new thoughts and ideas. So loneliness is the negative state of being, where you may feel like something is missing. Solitude is being alone, without feeling lonely. It is positive and constructive, while loneliness is negative and can be destructive.
Who Is At Risk?
You may be at a higher risk for increased loneliness if you are an adolescent or elder, or a returning veteran. These groups of people tend to be lonelier than other groups, for different reasons. Returning veterans may feel that nobody understands what they’ve been through, and in most cases, they’re right. A civilian may never see what veterans see, so it’s important for groups like the Wounded Warriors Project to make an impact on those who have seen war. Elderly tend to isolate themselves the older they get, as their friends and family tend to start to pass away during this stage of life. Adolescents, on the other hand, feel that they’re completely alone in the world, and nobody understands what they’re going through. It’s almost like a rite of passage for adolescents to feel loneliness, as they are going through so many physical, mental, and emotional changes.
COVID-19 can also have a huge impact on how lonely we feel; With increased isolation from family and friends for their health and well-being, we lose a part of physical contact that we may never get back. During these times, it is so important to stay connected through social media and phone or video calls, so we don’t feel like we’re going through this alone.
Fear Of Loneliness
Feeling alone is a completely normal feeling, but what about the fear of loneliness? Monophobia, or the fear of being alone, is a very legitimate phobia. It’s kind of a catch-all for several fears, such as being apart from a specific person, being home alone, or being in a public place by yourself. This fear can be caused by a lifetime of trauma, separation anxiety, or agoraphobia (social phobia). Sometimes, there are outside forces causing our fear of loneliness, such as living in a rough neighborhood.
Many times, we feel loneliness when our support system isn’t around us; Most of the times, these feelings are short-lived. However, when our feelings of loneliness are long-term, we may have insecure attachment, and this can indicate an anxiety disorder, like separation anxiety. If you feel that your fear of loneliness affects your day to day life, you should contact your mental health professional, and explain to them how you’re feeling. They can give you direction towards what you can do to deal with a large fear of being alone.
What Can I Do?
So what are some things we can do to be less lonely? You can start by legitimizing your feelings, and understanding the exact reason why you’re lonely. Maybe COVID-19 has you stuck in your feelings, and you should call your family, friends, or loved ones. Also, we can try to nurture others, such as helping a child with homework, or caring for our favorite furry friend.
Many people need both a social circle and an intimate attachment; If you have a significant other, but not many friends, try branching out and making a new friend. Even one friend can have amazing effects on your feelings of loneliness. If you have a huge circle of friends, but no significant other, put yourself out there, back into the dating game.
Starting an exercise regimen or a new hobby can have profound impacts on your loneliness, because you can meet new people that are interested in the same things you are. Volunteering can also impact your loneliness, as well as increase your mental health.
Your levels of sleep can also affect loneliness; Those of us who are lonely oftentimes have a hard time falling – and staying – asleep. Sleep deprivation is known to bring down people’s moods, and makes it more likely for people to get sick.
By trying to figure out what’s missing in your life, you can get a clearer picture of why you’re lonely, and how to fix it. Focus on not only what you have, but what you want as well. Loneliness is not a forever state, it’s a for now state. Just because you’re lonely now, doesn’t mean that you will be lonely for the rest of your life. Stay happy.
Also check out our blog post on social and emotional loneliness.