We have all had the pleasure of working with or encountering someone who just rubbed us the wrong way or frustrated us in new and unique ways. Unfortunately, difficult people are impossible to avoid, but we can all learn how to better deal with these people when our paths cross.
How to handle ourselves when around difficult people
First thing to remember when we must deal with difficult people is that we can only control ourselves and our reactions. We cannot control the actions, decisions, behaviors, or reactions of those around us. Therefore, in a scenario where you must deal with a difficult person, remember this, and control what you can. Try not to react with anger, frustration, argument, or defensiveness, as it will only instigate the person more. Also, try not to say the phrases “just calm down” or “I understand”. These can be perceived as an attempt to stifle or “shush” the person, when allowing them to vent may improve the situation. Alternately, if you remain calm it can help to calm the difficult person down.
Is there something more to why this person is bothering you?
If you have ever worked in customer service, where “the customer is always right”, then you have probably come across the irate customer who just wants someone to listen to them, the frustrated customer who wants something for free, or the bully mentality. These three types of customers have experienced reinforcement for their behaviors in the past. They have gotten what they wanted by throwing a fit, yelling, and being difficult, much like a toddler who throws a tantrum in the store when their mom will not buy them the toy they want. If there is a type of person that bothers you every time, look at what exactly it is about their personality that bothers you. Does their behavior remind you of something from your past? An ex? A parent? A time in your life where you were this way? A little self-reflection can go a long way and can better help you deal with those particularly grating individuals. Lastly, if you cannot figure it out on your own, there are professionals (like us) to help guide you. You are still strong and valuable if you ask for help.
References:
Cohen, I. S. (2017, May 22). How to Deal With Difficult People in Your Life. Retrieved from
Markway, B. (2015, March 3). 20 Expert Tactics for Dealing with Difficult People. Retrieved from
Oberlin, L. (2020, January 24). Dealing With Difficult People. Retrieved from
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-full-picture/202001/dealing-difficult-people
