What exactly are boundaries? In the simplest form, they are things that indicate limits. We have boundaries all around us, set by friends, family, and society. Boundaries can also emotional, mental, spiritual, sexual, financial or moral in nature.
How do we learn about boundaries?
Boundaries are something that we should start to see as young children, often modeled by our parents, family members or caregivers. However, everyone has not had the same childhood experiences. Our caretakers, parents or family members may have modeled unhealthy boundaries, or a lack of boundaries all together. You may have learned how to be a people pleaser, or developed an inability to say “no”. Fortunately, creating and maintaining boundaries can both be learned as we grow and change.
So how do we set and keep boundaries?
There are a few key steps in creating and maintaining boundaries that have been found to be beneficial. In order to set boundaries for ourselves, we first have to decide what is important to us. We have to be able to be secure in our values, morals and beliefs. This may just be the most important thing in helping you to develop firm boundaries. Knowing who you are and what you stand for and what you are willing to do is the foundation of developing boundaries. Once you have established those core values, it will be easier to say “no” to things and people that go against your core self. When making these decisions, it is also important to trust yourself and your instincts. If something just doesn’t feel right, look at the reason why. Does it directly or indirectly conflict with one of your core values? Could it potentially influence the creation, addition or adjustment of your core values? Be confident in yourself and your decisions.
If you can’t figure it out on your own, there are professionals (like us) to help guide you. You are still strong and valuable if you ask for help. Also make sure to check out our posts on assertiveness and challenging thinking.
References:
Eckel, S. (2019, October 14). The Power of Boundaries. Retrieved from
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/201910/the-power-boundaries
Esposito, L. (2019, June 4). Boundaries: A Guide to Making Essential Life Decisions. Retrieved from
Satow, R. (2019, November 1). Maintaining Boundaries. Retrieved from
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/life-after-50/201911/maintaining-boundaries