Unfortunately, unhappiness is inevitable. Life involves constant change, and with that the ebb and flow of emotions, moods, and feelings. Some of us are constantly striving for happiness, but some of us are not. What can cause a person to be comfortable with unhappiness? And if that is the case, how can we change our perspective and look for the happiness in the world. For the record, unhappiness is different than depression. Depression can be sadness, feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness, and can sometimes require psychiatric intervention. Unhappiness on the other hand, is an indicator of a need for change, or place for growth.
The first part of solving the unhappiness puzzle is to figure out what would actually make you happy. Some people’s happiness is based on external things, while others base their happiness on the internal. Some base ultimate happiness on both internal and external factors. There is no wrong way to be happy*. If you are unhappy in your life, work, or relationships, look at and discover your wants and needs. Are they all being met in a satisfactory way? Let us take work for example. Are you feeling challenged? Are you appreciated for your hard work? Do you have good rapport with your coworkers? Does the management care about your well-being? Do you enjoy what you do? If your answer to any of these questions is a resounding “NO”, then that is likely a good place to start.
Another clue for achieving happiness is to stop trying to control things that are out of your control. Recognizing that a Locus of Control exists, and that which you cannot control should not dictate your feelings is a big one. If you are constantly worrying or fretting about something that is out of your control, you will never be able to enjoy the things that are successful and within your control. You may find that not blaming yourself for things outside of your control will relieve anxiety and improve your mood.
If you cannot figure it out on your own, there are professionals (like us) to help guide you. You are still strong and valuable if you ask for help.
*Disclaimer: Okay, so maybe there are some better ways to be happy. Only finding happiness when doing something self-destructive is probably not the best option. Harming yourself or others just to feel happy may also not be ideal. These could be indicators of a more serious issue other than just a lack of happiness. Talk to someone about it.
If you want to read more about this topic, check out https://inlpcenter.org/why-am-i-so-unhappy/
References:
Gilbertson, T. (2018, July 14). Unhappy? Maybe You Should Be. Retrieved from
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/constructive-wallowing/201807/unhappy-maybe-you-should-be
Nemko, M. (2019, August 4). Successful and Still Unhappy. Retrieved from
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-do-life/201908/successful-and-still-unhappy
Raab, D. (2018, September 23). Shifting from Unhappiness to Happiness. Retrieved from
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-empowerment-diary/201809/shifting-unhappiness-happiness