Becoming a parent changes everything. Your days are packed with new tasks, and you have to prioritize things differently. Your little one is growing with astonishing speed. But what about the changes happening inside you?
If you experienced pregnancy and birth, you’ve already felt your body transform in amazing ways. But the ways parenthood transforms identity are less talked-about. Because they’re not often discussed, the psychological shifts of parenthood can leave you feeling alone, or like something’s wrong with you.
“Matrescence” like “Adolescence”
The term “matrescence” was coined by anthropologist Dana Raphael in 1973 to describe the process of becoming a mother, but this transition affects new parents of any gender. Like adolescence, matrescence is an in-between phase of life when people experience dramatic changes in every level of their identity– biological, psychological, emotional, social, political, and spiritual. When you become a parent, your body, mind, and soul are transforming into something new. You’re entering a whole new phase of life. Just like during your teenage years, it’s natural for these changes to feel uncomfortable!
Early memories and your parenting identity
What feelings come up when you think about your early childhood? How did your caretakers parent you? How did that make you feel about yourself? What would you like to do the same as your parents, and what would you like to do different?
Becoming a parent can bring up intense memories and emotions from your own childhood. These can be startling and difficult to deal with, especially for people who experienced any kind of trauma or attachment issues in early life. It’s important to figure out how your own early childhood experiences are affecting your identity as a parent, and how they’re affecting your child. This insight can help you make intentional choices about your parenting so you can build nourishing relationships in your new family, even if your own early experiences of family weren’t the best.
Support for new parents
Like adolescence, matrescence is a complicated time. You deserve support to navigate all the different changes happening in your body, mind, and identity. You may need to heal wounds from your own early childhood in order to grow into the kind of parent you want to be. It’s worth it, and therapists are here to help!
Resources
Athan, A. (n.d.). Matrescence: Education, Theory & Practice. Matrescence. https://www.matrescence.com/
Bastidas, G., & Nguyen, A. (2022, May 6). How to navigate matrescence – the ups and downs of new motherhood. NPR.org. Retrieved September 16, 2022, from https://www.npr.org/2021/08/08/1024674033/theres-a-name-for-the-ups-and-downs-of-new-motherhood-its-called-matrescence#:%7E:text=Becoming%20a%20mother%20is%20a,by%20medical%20anthropologist%20Dana%20Raphael.
Sacks, A., MD. (2019, February 19). Matrescence — What is it? – Alexandra Sacks MD. Medium. Retrieved September 16, 2022, from https://medium.com/@alexandrasacks/matrescence-what-is-it-bea6aa0450d0
Sacks, A., MD. (2020, February 26). The Birth of a Mother. The New York Times. Retrieved September 16, 2022, from https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/08/well/family/the-birth-of-a-mother.html