Consent is a topic we don’t touch on enough in daily life. Consent is most often discussed in relation to sex but it’s bigger than that. Each of us begins to learn about consent as children. Oftentimes the earliest consent violations occur when a child is forced to kiss or hug a relative when they don’t want to, or are forced to finish what is on their plate when they are full; it can also occur in play such as tickling or wrestling when a child is laughing or crying to hard, or too breathless to say stop. Most times when this happens it wasn’t intentional but it is due to a lack of understanding.
Consent isn’t only a “yes” or a lack of a “no”. It is an active and enthusiastic yes with actions that back it up. It is based on equal power. This means that if someone is underage, asleep, drunk, or in any other position not based on equal power they cannot consent. Additionally consent is a choice, meaning that the participants were free to choose without pressure, coercion, or threats. And finally consent is an ongoing process. Just because someone said yes to one thing doesn’t mean they are okay with another. Additionally it is okay for someone to change their mind at any time. Consent can be revoked.
If you have experienced a consent violation at any level in your life and it still brings up uncomfortable feelings, reach out to a mental health professional. Your feelings are valid. You are allowed to say no or change your mind, and you should be able to expect respect.